Family Togetherness

This is a list of things I think every family should own to encourage togetherness. I'll admit "every" family is a bit of a stretch, but if something on this list isn't right for yours it still might inspire you. The focus of this list is minimizing technology use. I'm not anti-technology. There are some great technological advances to bring families together. However, a lot of technology in the home discourages interaction. This list is meant to counter that trend. Being together is worth little if you're not interacting. With that caveat, in no particular order...

1. A large blanket you don't mind taking outdoors.



Rationale: An essential for 4th of July, summer concert series, and picnics. It can also be used in winter for cuddling under as a family while you watch a movie. If large enough it can be used for forts and tents large enough to fit the kids and the grown-up kids.

How I'm doing: My wife is a regular quilter. We have a plethora of blankets, several of which were intended for outdoor family occasions and they get plenty of use.

2. A picnic basket.



Rationale: Family picnics, obviously. Insulate it with a towel to keep foods warm for short periods of time. Otherwise, a basket can also pack non-food material for short family outings. And a basket with a lid can be used for surprises that you don't want to wrap, but still want to reveal dramatically. Like puppies.

How I'm doing: Despite the excess of blankets, my family is sadly lacking on picnic baskets. We have a few baskets that we use for Easter, but no lidded baskets. I hope to make this a new acquisition soon and will be scouring thrift stores for good candidates. No need to spend more money than necessary.

3. A board game that takes at least an hour to play.



Rationale: The trend today seems to be games that are quick. It's like people want to minimize family interaction. For younger children, those quick games are perfect. For older children longer games are more suitable as long as you make the time for them. Bonus: Games often teach strategy, problem solving, and important social lessons about winning and losing. If a board game isn't an option a deck of cards or two is a great alternative.

How I'm doing:I have a closet full of board games as well as a second box of games stored in my walk-in closet. I also have three decks of cards with identical backs (for larger card games), a pinochle deck, and a box of dominoes. Oh, every family needs dominoes.

4. A library card.



Rationale: A library card is the key to a good family outing. It teaches children that books are important. Oftentimes libraries also have art and exhibits. Finally, a large number of libraries (but by no means all) are built next to city parks. This can combine an educational trip with a play trip.

How I'm doing:A library card was one of the first things I got when I moved. I always have one. So does my wife. Now my oldest daughter has one too. Check.

5. A book you are reading together.



Rationale: This is really an off-shoot of the library card. It encourages literacy. It can make great discussion material for around the dinner table. Children will learn to use their imaginations. Adults will get a chance to share their favorites with their children while reliving them. Plus, you might find a new favorite. Don't just read it though. Anticipate what's going to happen next, ask younger children to summarize previous chapters, act out your favorite parts.

How I'm doing: Trina and I have often discussed reading a book as a family. We did it regularly when we were dating, but it died off when we married and had kids. We still read books to the children at night, but not a family book. This week I started to remedy that with "The BFG" by Roald Dahl. We'll see how long it lasts. The children seem to loving it though. Ask them about whizpopping.

6. Decent collection of cookie cutters.



Rationale: To be fair, Trina looked at me funny when I included this one. However, family cookie making is a classic especially at Christmas time. A decent set will have you making cookies at birthdays, Easter, Valentine's, etc. Plus, cookie cutters can be used to trace shapes and can be used with play-doh. And getting children into the kitchen will be cheaper (and tastier) than those store bought cookies.

How I'm doing: We bought a big set of cookie cutters several years ago. Not all of them are great, but they have served us well. We've added a few to the collections since then. When at our favorite kitchen supply store we sometimes look at their selection. We haven't purchased any cookie cutters from them...yet.

7. Play-doh



Rationale: Play-doh inspires creativity. You build, you design, you play. Have theme nights where all family members create something (like animals). Reenact scenes from stories. Create caricatures of the family. Remember, play-doh will not last forever no matter how well you care for it. Plus, it's fairly inexpensive. Let people mix colors. Don't plan on all the play-doh ending up back in the canisters. Build models that you expect to dry out and put on the shelves for a week or two. Make the things you see on the boxes instead of just rolling it out and balling it up endlessly.

How I'm doing:We have a few small canisters of play-doh, but we haven't sat down for some dedicated family building. Maybe next week.

8. Art supplies including Construction Paper, Pipe Cleaners, Sidewalk Chalk, Pens, Pencils, Crayons, Marker, Paint, etc.



Rationale: Art projects indoors and outdoors. Decorate your house, do puppet shows, make gifts, build toys. Really, this one deserves it's own blog written by my wife. Best bet, buy the art supplies at the beginning of the school year when they are at their cheapest. Doing art with the children makes it more likely the supplies will be taken care of and last for a long time. Plus you get to nurture your own latent (or not so latent) talent.

How I'm doing: My house is filled with art supplies of various types. We just need to be better about using them as a family. Too often I send the kids to be artsy by themselves instead of joining them in their artistry.

9. A little red wagon.



Rationale: Holding personal items (or children) on trips to the zoo, picnics, etc. It can also be used to do service projects as a family around the neighborhood.

How I'm doing: This was one of the first big "toy" purchases I made after the birth of my oldest daughter. I selected a wooden red wagon that I love. I haven't taken as good care of it recently as I used to. Some of the brackets need replaced and parts need a paint job, but it still functions. And I love it. It worked great at our recent zoo trip.

10. Sleds

Rationale: It's like a wagon, except for winter. Family time fun when the weather changes.

How I'm doing: I've had several sleds in the past, but moves with an uncertain future led to sleds being donated to friends. Currently, we are living without, but winter is approaching and maybe that will change. My kids are getting old enough to really enjoy them. Bring on the cold and cocoa.

11. Popcorn Maker/Ice Cream Maker



Rationale: I guess this brings it back to technology, but having food that you made together while you have a family night can just make things better than ever. Plus, it gives you an excuse to use that blanket I mentioned at the beginning.

How I'm doing: I own two ice cream makers (a small and a large). For my birthday about a year ago I got a hot-air popcorn popper. I love it and use it all the time. You can make microwave popcorn, but this is so much better.

I know this list isn't complete. I figure I will expand it in the future as things pop into my head, and I'd love your input.

About Books

My life runs on semesters. As a student, the semester schedule meant little. There was little in the way of routine. Each Fall would bring a different set of classes and requirements for success. So while some things were routine, by and large each new semester had it's own challenges and time requirements. However, as a teacher my semester schedule is fairly constant. My class loads haven't changed at all while I've been at CSI. Fall semester is six PSYC 101 classes and a PSYC 201. The times are the same. Even the classrooms stay the same. You would think, therefore, that I would be able to predict my workload for each semester.

I'm not.

As indicated by my earlier blog posts I had high hopes for getting a lot of writing done in the last five months of the year. However, as the semester started last week I find my time severely limited. I couldn't even find the time to edit my last blog post in a timely manner. It took the Labor Day holiday to find the time to edit that blog post and start this one. Now I'm editing this one on the day I'm supposed to be writing a new one. Sheesh.

But is it really a lack of time or am I just not spending my time well? Obviously (like the question of nature vs. nurture) the answer is both. I don't have enough time and I'm not spending my time well. I've been trying to analyze where I'm spending my time poorly in order to increase my productivity and get my writing back on schedule. I have come to a conclusion about one of the places I'm not spending my time well.

Librarians be warned: you might not like this part.

I read too much. Honestly, too much of anything can be bad for you, even reading. When my writing and other important goals suffer because of my reading it is time to ease back. I know several of my coworkers are jealous of the amount of books I read (and movies I watch). Generally I leisure read for at least an hour every day. Some days it can be 3-4. Weekends can sometimes reach more than 6. However, given how full my life is with other things (and potentially getting busier--stay tuned for future blogs) that might be too much. I might need to limit it to 30 minutes each day or less.

It can't be eliminated completely. A great writer needs to read. Books can inspire. Sometimes I pick up a book and the way the plot develops makes me want to rush to the nearest keyboard and begin typing. An authors use of words can make me start writing my own prose in my head as I try to adopt a similar voice. Writers need to be readers. The question is what is the perfect reading to writing ratio? Obviously, that's personal but it is still important.

Secondly, I have this deep desperation in my soul: I can't read everything. No matter how much time I have there will always be books that go unread, series I will not be introduced to, authors I won't have time to enjoy. Even if I cut back on reading time that list only grows. So what do I read? My to-read list is extensive. I don't limit myself much on genres. I read science fiction AND fantasy. Mystery. Classics. Non-fiction (especially focusing on psychology). Kids books. How-to. Anything that was adapted into a novel. So which books are worth spending my time on and which books am I just wasting my time on?

Yes! Some books are a waste of my time, but which? One of my current goals is to read all the Star Wars novels. This is a series of books that I largely consider fluff fiction. It used to be a small percentage of my reading selection, but because of this goal it has been almost 100% of my reading selection. Part of me has to wonder if I should abandon this goal. However, I'm over 100 books into the effort. Do I give up now? If I stay on track am I just committing the sunk-cost fallacy?

What about rereading old favorites? There are few books I'll read twice. Strunk and White's little book is the notable exception. I read it yearly. Mostly I reread books when the sequels come out and I need a refresher on what happened. However, every time I reread one book, that means another book I could have read doesn't get read. Do I have time for that with all the good books out there to read? The other day I was fondly remembering The Death Gate Cycle by Hickman and Weis. I'm considering rereading it, but that is seven books that I won't read because I chose to reread the cycle.

At times it feels like deciding to read a book or not is like being in "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade". I'm surrounded by grails (books). Some are jeweled, some are plain. Some are wood, some aren't. I can only pick one. Watching over my shoulder is a knight. Sometimes, halfway through the book he gives me a satisfied smile and I hear his voice echo in my head "You have chosen...wisely." Other times I'm just a few pages in and he's telling me I've chosen poorly. I hate when that happens. What do I do?

I can't do much except accept the inevitable. No, I won't read everything. It's impossible to keep up. The best I can do is read books I'm truly interested in. Don't waste time on books I'm not. This inevitably collides with my Star Wars goal. Currently I'm reading one of the books and it suuuuuucks! Do I waste time on it for the goals sake? Unfortunately, yes, but I'm cheating. Instead of reading it I'm skimming it. It will take me a fraction of the time and I can then move on to more desirable books.

Other books of note: I never picked up "The Davinci Code" and probably never will, mostly because I'm not interested. Same for the Twilight Series. I might eventually get to the Hunger Games series, but probably not. It's not that they're not good books (though what a good book is can be highly debated), it's just that I don't care.

My wife would swear that part of my taste in books is a strong distaste for trendy books. She wouldn't be wrong. A book being popular is never a reason to read it. It seems so many people read things because "everyone" is reading it. If you don't read it, you risk being left clueless while the rest of the world talks about it. Do I read the popular books? Sometimes, but only if the story interests me. Most popular books don't.

A not so guilty confession: I judge books by their cover. How else are you going to pick a book out from the local library?

I also take recommendations from people who know me well. So...any recommendations for things worth spending my limited reading time on?

How Long is Saturday

When I was younger (e.g. a few weeks ago) the idea of doing chores on my Saturday caused much distress. Saturday was a day off. Saturday was a day for relaxing. Work was for the week, not the weekend. However, on Saturday the 27th of July of this year I came to a startling realization: If you prioritize and get to it then Saturday is pretty long. There is time enough for work and play.

Let's take my Saturday and break it down.

7:00--First wake up.
8:00--Second wake up.

I usually wake up about 7:00 most days, and since I'm awake I get out of bed. Saturday's are no exception. This is an important point: If you want to have plenty of time to do things then get up at a reasonable hour. Lounging in bed and refusing to rise just wastes the day. This is followed by another important point. You'll notice that I went back to bed for another hour in seeming contradiction to my first point. However, this wasn't laziness; this was sleep deprivation. I haven't been sleeping well. Catching up on sleep is important. Here's the second point: Sleep deprivation makes everything harder. Get plenty of sleep. Seriously. If you are depriving yourself of sleep to give yourself more time to get things done your work will be sloppier, your decision making slower, your concentration impaired. You will need more time just to do everything. You will be slower! Save yourself time and get enough sleep.

8:30--Work out.

The Saturday morning workout is becoming a regular thing for me. I'll talk about that next post. I eat breakfast (a banana) as I drive to workout. Most of the time multitasking just slows us down, but with something as automatic as eating a banana it is a definite time saver and gives me the energy I need for that workout.

10:00--Second breakfast.

Because you need to refuel and rehydrate after a good workout.

10:30--Mow the lawn.

Here's where some of the real time saving comes into play. My usual tendency is to delay mowing the lawn. I like to make excuses about the grass getting dry so the mower doesn't clog, giving the batteries for the electric weed whacker time to charge (why don't I check those the night before!), not wanting to start too early and disturb the neighbors. However, do I spend this time wisely? Nope. I usually just lounge around the house watching cartoons or playing mindless games on the Ipad. They aren't things I really want to spend my day doing, but they are buffers against the things I don't want to do. Point three is something most parents already know but I seem to forget: If you procrastinate it will just take longer. You might as well just get to it.

As an added bonus I got to watch the kids play on their bikes while I mowed. That killed two birds with one stone.

11:30--Prepare the kids lunch.

I think this is a vital part of time management for parents. Feed the kids when they're hungry; feed yourself when you are hungry. It keeps the children from being whiny (about food). Put aside whatever you are doing and spend the time putting lunch together. While they eat they are (hopefully) less likely to bother you and you can return to whatever task you were doing in peace. If you try to finish first you'll just get slowed down by their constant cries for food.

12:00--Finish mowing.
12:45--Set up pool for children.

I was hot. I was sweaty. I was tired. I just wanted to shower. Food called my name. However, if I delayed setting up the pool then I would have to get hot, sweaty, and tired again later. That would deter me and the pool wouldn't get set-up. Besides, I was already in the backyard. Point four: Rest is important, but rest when you need it not when it would merely feel good. Oh, and when you're doing hot sweaty work make sure you stay hydrated. Heat exhaustion will ruin your entire day.

1:00--Lunchtime.

This is the point where a lot of people wonder "where has my day gone?" However, from a practical perspective I'd only been awake five hours and look how much I'd gotten done. I still had nine hours of my day left! Those afternoon hours tend to crawl by. There's a lot of them and people are generally at their most alert and effective. It's a good time to get a lot done.

1:30--Lifeguard the kids while they swim.

Humans don't multitask. Not really. Human consciousness can't focus on multiple things at once. The conscious mind is truly one-track. This means that when we are multitasking one part needs to run on the unconscious line and a lot of tasks are too complex for this line. So, to compensate for this we run two (or more) tasks in the conscious mind by switching back and forth between them. This causes us to do both tasks more slowly and generally not as well. Imagine driving one train forward a small distance, removing it from the track, putting a second train on the track, running it forward, removing it, replacing the first train...both trains will get to the destinations eventually after much more time and effort. Still, there are times when this is acceptable. Finding those times and using them well maximizes a Saturday. For example, while my children swam I could have sat there to prevent them drowning and done nothing else. Instead, I chose to read a book. I couldn't disappear into my book the same way I usually do. I had to stop reading every minute or so to check on the kids, but this didn't prevent me from enjoying the reading. Neither did the children drown. This is point five: If you have two tasks that won't suffer from switching rapidly between them, do them simultaneously. The tricky part is recognizing which tasks are appropriate for this simultaneous. Driving should never be one of these tasks. Just saying.

2:15--Shower (finally!).
2:30--Birthday Shopping with the children.

Honestly, shopping would have been faster without the kids, but it also allowed me to spend time with my children. Plus, getting the children out of the house allowed Trina more time to be productive or relax. This in turn creates less for me to do. If you want to know about Trina's birthday check out her blog. I'm sure she will talk about it in a few days.

4:30--Video Games.

Why? Because it is one of the fun things I wanted to do on Saturday. This wasn't just wasting time because I lacked something else to do. This was purposeful sitting down to play video games. More importantly, I had the time! Being proactive about my day meant little wasted time and more time to do what I wanted.

6:00--Dinner.
7:30--Movie/Wrap Presents.

I can't emphasize this enough: I love movies! Movies at home are also a great way to waste time. However, they can be used for not wasting time as well. I watch movies while I stretch, do kata, clean (especially old favorites I don't need to pay attention to!), fold laundry, etc. Movies (especially old favorites) fall neatly into the category of tasks that won't suffer much from doing them simultaneously with other tasks.

9:30--Relax, Get Ready for Bed.
10:30--Go to Bed.

What stands out to me is I had more I could have done in the evening but the chores were done. The work was finished. I spent my evening relaxing before bed with more reading. Left free I could read all day.

One of the other things that helped was minimizing wasteful time spend on the Internet. Several years ago I read "The Tyranny of E-mail" by John Freeman (thank you Goodreads for helping me remember the title) that included a list for making your e-mail use more efficient. I don't remember the entire list, but I do remember the basics. I try to apply them to texting, Facebooking, e-mailing, etc. When I stick to it the amount of time I waste online is greatly diminished. A check-in that lasts no longer than a minute isn't a big deal, but too many of those and you find your day disappearing. Scheduling time for the Internet (once in the morning, and once in the afternoon) is a good way to make your day more efficient.

So that was my Saturday...now if I can only remember those points for future Saturdays.

What am I Blogging About?...and Apocalypse Now

When I originally created this blog I intended to talk about my writing projects; I named it Raven's Writings (I have a penchant for ravens). However, it never worked out well. I would blog about my current projects for a short time, but then writing flagged and so did the blog. Besides, in a given week I might only add a scant 4,000 words. That is insufficient to blog about. Predictably updates became fewer and farther between until the blog was forgotten. I attempted to revive it on a couple of occasions to the same disastrous results. This leads me to an uncomfortable question: Can I feasibly devote an entire blog to just writing?

No, no I can't. Not yet.

But if I'm not going to focus on writing, what am I going to focus on? The answer is obvious: nothing. I won't focus on anything, but I will talk about everything. Writing is one-dimension of my life and, to be honest, a small one. I am also a gamer, a martial artist, a teacher, a father, a husband, an entertainer, a dreamer, a cynic. I am many things and the blog should encompass all of them. That should give me plenty to blog about each week.

A few years ago I was in the habitat of sending out lengthy e-mails to my family and a few select friends. These e-mails, two or three times each year, summarized current developments in the several aspects of my life. Time has gone by and those e-mails have stopped, but the premise behind them is still good. This blog will replace those e-mails. However, instead of sending them out to the people who I think will want to hear about them I will just place them so that they are available for anyone who wants to look at them. Consequently, I've renamed the blog "Brendan's Blog" until I can think of something that captures my personality without sounding too pretentious. Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

Still, writing will be a major focus of the blog and I've created several static pages that will be updated much more slowly than the weekly posts. They reflect my WIP and include histories, summaries, progress, goals, and an excerpt. I'll add static pages for non-writing material as I find the need. Also, I hope to create a menu bar that will link you to posts sorted by subject. Even so, I am fairly excited about the current look of the blog. It feels more functional than the old blog and it looks modern. The original blog seemed to herald from the days when everyone was making websites on Angelfire and similar sites (I did that too!). Keep an eye out for future changes to improve functionality.

So what can you exactly expect on this blog?

• Health updates.  What am I doing to stay in shape? Is it working?  
• Karate.  What kata have I learned? Did I pass my kyu test? Pictures of injuries I've given/received.
• Gaming.  How is preparations going for next season? What happened in the most recent gaming session? What new board game do I love/hate?
• Improv.  Am I still doing it?  Is Haphazard getting back together or coming together with an all new crew? Do I have any new characters I am working on?
• Food. Have I created a crazy recipe (I have a few in mind)?  What have I barbecued recently?
• School.  Funny moments in class that I can safely share. Insights on teaching. Memorable moments from student papers. 
• Movies. I enjoy nitpicking them, thinking about them, etc. See thoughts on current movies, classic movies, and whatever I happened to stumble upon via Netflix. 
• Stuff.  You know, just stuff.  Those things that you want to put on Facebook, but the idea is too long and you don't really want to ramble on. That kind of stuff. I think a lot of stuff.

Don't worry. I know not everything is for everyone and I will be using labels to make it easy for you to find just the material you are looking for.  Oh, and if you're bored already don't worry about it. Posts will get better.

Apocalypse Now I often spend long hours at my desk. Much of this time is spent grading student papers, answering e-mails, keeping up-to-date, etc. However, I generally take a break during lunch to eat without worrying about work. I often watch a movie during this time. It's a good way to relax between class sessions. The college has a small movie collection that I've been sampling from, but this weekend I decided to start sampling in a more organized fashion. My goal: watch all the fiction movies the library owns. Given that they generally add two or three each month this will be a long, long, long term goal. I started this weekend with the A's. Technically, numbers come first but they only had "12 Angry Men" in that category and I've seen it. So instead, I started with "Apocalypse Now".

The best part for me was finally understanding what Apocalypse Now was about. I have a tendency to maintain a willful ignorance on a lot of subjects. One of these areas is the subject matter of movies and books. I am often acquainted with the title without a real understanding about the plot. Apocalypse Now was one of these. It also opened my eyes to how little I know about the Vietnam War and makes me interested to find out more. War movies are not my typical fare, but I enjoyed Apocalypse Now.

Added bonus: I will now understand things that allude to, parody, etc., this movie.